Books

Many of you may wonder what I have been doing for the last three months...many of you may not. Well, birthdays, holidays, work, ear infections (leading to a gross eye infection), new nanny, taxes, an anniversary, and books.

Here's the thing about books, they are my friends. They are NEVER selfish, they almost always give me what I need; whether that need is balm for a frustrated soul, answers to pressing questions, or a lovely little "check out" from the world. No matter my age or place in life, books have always been a constant. Twenty and completely lost, books are there. Thirty and facing a world of ups and downs, books give me solace. Almost forty and completely insane, books step up and say "I can help".

As I write this, I realize some frustration I've been carrying around. Lately, there has been a rather large volume of self-centered people in my life. People who I once counted as friends have shown true colors and it's been a painful journey. I'm positive they have no idea who they are, nor do they take the time to read this blog so they will never know; my question is this, do you come to a point in life where it's not worth it to talk to someone about an action they took that hurt you? I have always lived by the value that talking things out maintains strong relationships, and that ALL relationships are worth saving. But now I'm instead wondering if there are some friendships that should just be allowed to pass. It's a conundrum.

Also, I tend toward the self centered, so am I not cutting enough slack? Maybe I should look at the situation as more of a growth experience. People grow and develop and change, maybe this is part of the process and I need to just let it go. Stop being so darn SENSITIVE. Ugh, maybe I'll just go read.

Birthday # 2

Our sweet Munch turned two last Friday, and the weekend was filled with fun, family and love!!! Corrin is growing into such a little lady! She loves to play with baby dolls, color, be outside (even in the cold and snow - I wonder where she gets that) and snuggle with Mommie & Daddy. She has a stubborn streak, and knows her mind. She's a little shy around other kids, but after a while comes out of her shell and is a giggling mess. Corrin brings us joy each and every day, and we are so very thankful for her!!! Happy Birthday to my little lady. WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Happy Birthday Connie!!!

Better late than never! Happy, Happy Birthday to an amazing woman with a capacity to love bigger than anyone I know and the patience of a saint (I should know, I tried it for many, many years). I am blessed to be able to call you Mom, and thankful for you each and every day!

Happy Birthday Daddy!!!!

Happy birthday to a truly incredible man. This entire family is so very lucky you were born, and were brought into our lives. I forever question where I would be without you and your influence. Your relationship with us all has taught me to be a parent, your relationship with Connie has taught me how to love. I have a litany of quotes from you that run through my head no fewer that ten times a day which all help me make better decisions and also admit my mistakes. I love you, and wish that I could share this day with you. Happy Birthday!!

Change

We all know I don't handle change well, it's just not my thing. Which is interesting given the number of times I've moved and created my own life upheaval. Change is inevitable, change is mostly good, and change seems to be the order of business these days.

After eighteen months we are losing the family that we nanny share with. They are moving to Hawaii for a temporary project. Corrin's BFF Grae will not be around anymore to teach her all of the fun things she does. Grae is super smart and super outgoing, she does not have the same shy character that Corrin has, and so pushes Corrin to try new and different things that she might not otherwise do. They sit and giggle with each other and play and sometimes push...they are the sister neither of them has :) We were so thankful that our nanny Jo would still be with us, she is so fantastic with the girls and we truly credit much of Corrin's development over these last few months to her.

So the search for a new family to share with began...then Jo told us her husband was offered a fantastic position in another state. In this economy, you take what you can get. We are very excited for them, and know he has been looking for a long time. Our little bubble popped. What now, Montessori School? New family and nanny? Lots of changes for our little girl.

A great person once said "nothing is constant but change". Hopefully Corrin will bear this change better than her Mama is.

TEAM RIVER!!!!

My best friend's baby was born premature, and as the weeks go on, we are learning that he has as yet un-diagnosed neurolgical issues. All we do know is they the issues are there. His name is River, he is beautiful and has a fantastic smile. His mother is a wonderful, caring, giving, observant, honest human being whom I admire beyond words.

The gift of a child is a blessing beyond words. The love that a parent feels for their child is like nothing they have ever experienced and cannot be described to others. The dreams we have for them, the hopes and visions for their life, carry very close to our hearts. When something like this happens, there is an astronomical shift in that vision and is something that we mourn. Having witnessed severe illness and conditions in our nieces and nephews, as well as the power of prayer and the joys of recovery, I see the effect these things have on a parent. I am positive that my best friend and her husband will weather this like the incredible human beings they are.

Now, I ask those that read this for your prayers. Prayers for my best friend, for her husband, for their beautiful baby boy, River. If praying is not your "thing" then please, send positive thoughts, positive energey, some good Karma, or whatever else you can think of to them. They will find their way.

39? Really??

The whole "getting older" thing is really throwing me off this year. I turned 39 a few weeks ago and it's really thrown me for a loop; I mean, I'm not just kissing 40, we're rolling around on the floor with our clothes almost completely off.

Part of the issue, I believe, is that the majority of my friends and my husband are anywhere between 5 and 10 years younger than me. What a strange circumstance to realize that you are not in your early thirties...or twenties by the way I act sometimes.

My reasoning...I lost ten years of my life in a blur of insanity and now I am just catching up to my "mind age". In my mind, and because of past circumstances, I really should only be 29, which means I get to do my thirties over!!! And because I really did not lose ten years, I know my 30's have been the best years of my life so far and I will get to enjoy them again!!!! Ahhh...if only I were a Hollywood writer, this would be a good film. If I see this idea later you'll find me on TMZ suing whoever stole it :)

Alas, while not mentally, chronically and physically I am 39 years old. My knees creak, I have to watch what I eat and drink, gone are the days when I could play kickball on a Thursday night until 10:00, engage in a rousing flip-cup tournament until 2:00am and sit alert and aware at my desk the next morning without the slightest hint of a hangover.

The good news is that certain traditions live on, the Last Birthday Bash was alive and well this year and MUCH fun. Times have changed; we stayed in a cabin instead of tents, there were six of us rather than twenty-six, I was in bed by 11:00 both nights and missed Corrin each and every second. Our best friends' lives have changed too and for the first time in my life I enjoyed a fully vegan supper thanks to the Webbs. Next year is a big one...I'm hoping for a trip to Ireland (it's my dream), but will happily spend another weekend in my favirote Colorado town with my husband, daughter and best friends.

I guess making out with 40 is not really all that bad. I'll enjoy the last eleven months of my thirties and then do what I have always done best...dive into my forties like there is no tomorrow.